Relationship Advice From InkPaperPen

I know that it is totally out of the ordinary for me to post stuff like this, but here it goes. Everything I’m about to say will be from a female point of view, but it can obviously be taken both ways. Also, I am neither married nor engaged, so I’m not speaking from experience, only observation.

First, never say anything negative about your boyfriend/husband to anyone. I don’t care if you’re just ranting to your best friend or your mother to get it out of your system. Not everyone loves him like you do. You will forgive him and make up, and everything will be fine between y’all. However, your friend or sister or whoever will still have hard feelings, because they don’t care about him the way that you do. You don’t want anyone to have a negative impression of him, so don’t give them a reason to.

Don’t give others room for doubt regarding your relationship. If someone tells you that you’re girlfriend is “so sweet” or “extremely nice” don’t respond with “yeah I guess” or “as far as I know.” You’re implying that you’re unsure of your significant other and your relationship.

Don’t post your fights on social media. If you’re pissed, don’t post a Facebook status or tweet about it. That goes along with giving others room for doubt. And on top of that, you’re letting all the hoes on the internet  know that you’re having problems. If they think you’re having problems, they will try to break up the relationship. Don’t let that happen. If you’re gonna fight, do it in person. Or even over the phone, just not over the internet.

Don’t call another guy/girl by any pet names. I don’t care if they’re your “sister” or “best friend”, just don’t do it. If you’re calling another girl “sweetie” or “baby,” your girlfriend will worry about how you really feel about her. Especially if you’re calling another girl by the same pet name that you call her. And it may actually be totally innocent, but your significant other doesn’t know that. Just don’t do it.

If your girlfriend doesn’t like a specific girl, don’t talk to that specific girl. Not to say that you should drop your friends for your girlfriend, but if your girlfriend really dislikes her then there’s probably a reason why. And girls, you shouldn’t tell your boyfriends not to talk to her. He should do it out of respect for you. And if he knows how you feel, then he should give you the respect of letting you know that he was with her or had more than a casual conversation with her. Not that you should be all up in his business, he should just have that much respect for you.

Don’t compare us to your ex-girlfriends at all, for any reason. Odds are we’ve already done that, and we don’t want your opinion on it. And if for some reason your girl does bring it up, she just wants reassurance. Tell her that she’s perfect and you don’t even think about the ex. That’s all she wants to hear.

Let’s say that your boyfriend finally proposes. You have a whole wedding board on Pinterest, right? And you know exactly what ring you want, but he doesn’t get the right one. Who cares? You got a ring. And the size of the ring isn’t proportional to how much he cares about you. I’d rather get a one carat ring from a man that loves me and respects me than a five carat ring from a man who treats me badly. If he gives you a ring, it means that he loves you enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you. He’s promising you his whole life. Cherish that and don’t be picky about what it looks like.

One last thing. Guys, I know that y’all talk about getting married like it’s some kind of disease when you’re around the other guys. All girls know this, so don’t deny it. But when you’re around us, don’t have this attitude. We don’t want to feel like we’re tricking or forcing you into being with us. If you love a girl and genuinely want to be with her forever, marry her. But don’t make her feel bad about it. I can’t name many comedians who haven’t made fun of marriage in a negative way,  so I can see why y’all have that attitude. But marriage isn’t something you should be “saved” from. If you don’t wanna do it, don’t do it. But don’t say negative things about it. It hurts our feelings. I know that marriage is supposed to be “sexless” as well. Uhm, guys, maybe if you’re girl doesn’t wanna have sex with you, you’re doing something wrong. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you can stop showing love and affection. If you don’t put in some effort, don’t expect sex. It’s a simple concept. And don’t assume that because you’re married that you’re gonna be on a leash. If your wife respects you, then she won’t tell you what to do. If she loves you then she won’t put your balls in a glass jar under the bed, I promise. And don’t be ashamed to tell other guys that you’re married. Be proud of your woman and show her off.

The end. And FYI, I didn’t post this because I know that my boyfriend sometimes reads my blog. That would be going back to the first point, y’all.



8 thoughts on “Relationship Advice From InkPaperPen

  1. I love love love your comment about Pinterest. Because who the heck has those weddings? lol Thing is, your wedding day is important, but the event is not nearly as import as the reason for the wedding day: your marriage. A lot of people get so caught up in the “perfection” of the day they get overly stressed and forget to enjoy it. And they’re more focused on whether or not the fondant on their cake is the exact same shade of orange as their invitations that they aren’t thinking about what they’re going to do when one of them becomes gravely ill or how they’ll manage when somebody gets laid off and twins are on the way. If you implode over something like a wedding, how in God’s name are you going to react to a real life crisis? Yikes!

    The only thing I’d like to add is that I actually do believe that people should have someone in whom they can confide about their relationship. Sometimes venting is a way of processing an issue without saying something to your spouse that you’ll regret later on. It’s actually pretty healthy, and without it you can feel pretty isolated after a while, especially if things aren’t good. One of the worst things in the world is hearing how great your guy is when you know he isn’t, and the shock on someone’s face when they find out the truth. That said, you just have to be careful that you are talking to someone you can trust to understand that people do change, as do attitudes, etc. You have to be sure it’s someone who can listen without judgment, but isn’t afraid to tell you to that no, you’re not crazy, this is dangerous, so pack it in and head for the hills. And if he’s saying things like “I guess” when somebody says how great you are, don’t tolerate it and don’t expect him to change. It really could be indicative of something else, like his level of respect not just for you, but for any woman he’s with.

    Personally, I hate the whole “no sex after marriage” thing. Totally misleading. Yes, the thrill of having sex every time you get away from your roommates is gone because, well, you’re together now and you are the only roommates you have. And yes, there are times when the stress of work, kids, illness, life in general, wears you out and you have to say “not tonight.” But I can assure you, there is most definitely sex after marriage, and the best part of staying married for a long time is that you have a long time to really figure out what works best for your partner and it actually can get better and more amazing over time. You gotta trust me on this one. And find the right partner, then stay married long enough to find out. 😉

    Hope you don’t mind, just thought I’d offer the perspective of an older (okay, 43 isn’t old to me and I’m not sure how it sneaked up on me so fast, but when I was your age that was practically a dinosaur) married woman. My husband and I had our first date 23 years ago tomorrow, and on the 4th of April we will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary. Wahoo!

      • Glad you don’t mind! My whole life I planned to be at least 30 before I got married. Then I met the Mr. Had our first date 5 days after turning 20. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since and oh crap – I just realized I’m old enough to be your mom? Gonna go crawl under the bed now… lol

      • Yes, you’re my mother’s age lol. I never mind receiving comments, especially when the person obviously knows more than I do. Feel free to express yourself any time!

  2. “she won’t put your balls in a glass jar under the bed, I promise.”

    I got to admit, mad me wince lol.

    Offering the male perspective, and the perspective of the guy who’s a good friend of your man, when it comes to marriage some of us just don’t talk about it. It’s just not something I in particular feel the need to talk about with my guy friends either way because I know they don’t really care.

    Besides, our conversations are about manly things like grunting and squirrel hunting. So between that and scratching ourselves we don’t have the time to talk about marriage. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s